flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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