I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I don't think brook has ever known best
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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