Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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