you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
