a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
