Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
