haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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