Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
smell my finger.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize