oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
