Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
