i was born a porn star she said
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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