the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Mom said you looked used
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
