Im at strip club and am horny
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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