Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
