I am in a vortex of obligation.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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