I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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