nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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