I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
