when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She is in my trunk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
