Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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