My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize