i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
