I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
