I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
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I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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