so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
