made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
