but the lizard people decide everything anyway
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
