What a fucking waste of an outfit
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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