I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
