I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Drake has all the answers
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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