So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
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I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
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He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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