It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
