I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize