My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
