i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
