at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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