Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
