yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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