Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There's always time for handjobs
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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