I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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