Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
