im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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