Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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