My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
