there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
