Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
