this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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