this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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