I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
