I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
