That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
