Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
