I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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