Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
