Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
