I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
