I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
