How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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