Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
