He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize