He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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