im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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